..Terpaksa Disclaimer..

I write not for any reader,

But for my self to ponder,

I want to remember my feelings,

While going through something,

Thats why I write it here.

Its only for people,

Who know me,

Since I was small in my tarbiah,

Living far away from me,

But really close to my heart.

Its not an answer to something,

To people around me,

To react,

Or being reactive to me.

Its just for myself to ponder,

And 

For my mukhlisin,

To read..

As I miss them badly..

If I want everybody to know and take actions,

I will say it myself, But Not in here,

If its just for myself and my siblings,

I will post it here.

...

Because it just my monolog.

That being said out loud.

As they cant read my mind 

Unless I write it down.

*****

Apa la..

Feeling bad as I've to say this.

Apa la..

..Am I..

Am I so bad,

That I dont even deserve,

To just being loved?

I always wonder that,

Am I so bad.

That nobody wants me.

Am I so bad?.. 

~_~ 

I just wonder..

..Another Path Passed Through..

Bismillahirahmanirahim

Assalamualaikum wbt..

I'll write,

So that I don't forget..

Tonight,

Its been a long night...

Longer than before..

A page of book is written,

And a new page begins..

Its been a long night,

Full with tears,

And 

Hardness..

Full with mercy 

And

Sadness..

Full with blood,

From torn heart..

I will remember this night,

As I step through a new journey,

Refreshing my self,

My niat and my Goal.

I will remember this night,

As I did something 

That I will never done.

How could I'm not sad,

When I'm making people sad,

How could I'm not torn,

When I'm making people torn,

How could I'm not broken,

When I'm making people feel so..

Indeed I am..

More than words could describe.

Indeed I'm sad..

But

Living

Believing

That this will change to happiness

Forever.

Tonight,

I renew my Niat,

Begin my steps,

Rejuvenate my self,

For another long journey..

Tonight,

Its gonna be a long night,

Full with tears,

And 

Asking for forgiveness,

From all the mistakes.

Tonight,

Its gonna be a long night,

Feel like I cannot take of the face,

From keep prostrating,

Hoping that HE will forgive me..

I hope HE even mind,

To see me,

Even for a while,

While I come to HIM carrying,

All the sins that I can.

Tonight,

I hope that HE can repair my mistakes,

Bandage all the hearts that I've ever broke.

After all, I hope HE forgive me,

Giving us strength,

To keep moving..

And tonight,

I will always remember,

"Tangan Allah di atas tangan-tangan mereka",

I've made promise,

Not with humans,

But With HIM..

I will come,

To fulfil my promise.

Forgive me O Allah..

T_T

~Now that we're here, feeling so good

~About all the things we went through

~ Knowing that God is pleased with us too

~ It’s not a dream, this is so true

~PARADISE~

May I be one of it.